1. Cyber & Addictive Relationships
2. Adultery
3. Karmic & Soul Mate Relationships
4. Bisexuality

1. Cyber & Addictive Relationships

Several years ago, one of my online friends and I would have many discussions about cyber-space and cyber relationships. We both noted an interesting phenomena at the time which we thought was rather significant.. At the same time we each developed online friendship with many others through all types of mailing lists and special groups. We both came to the same conclusions that there are many people “out there” who are not only addicted to their online experiences, but also addicted to having online affairs! Just how DOES one have an affair online, you may ask! We decided to discover just how many people were hooked and what their experiences were.

For approximately 1 1/2 years we formed an On-Line Support Group for people who had Cyber Relationships, Online Affairs. We did not get paid for this. We felt is was more of a public service and that people should be educated before “signing on.” Many people we spoke with (and I have “chatted” with over 300 people as young as 14) subsequently left their long-term partners for this unknown person on the other end of the scrolling screen. Some of their stories were humorous, bizarre, shocking, and frightening, but mostly ended in terrible disappointment and personal enlightenment. However, there seems to be several elements present in everyone’s story. Many people were unhappy within themselves and within their current relationships. Many were highly intelligent with a way with words. We spoke with Doctors, Lawyers, Priests and College Students as well as House Wives. They tended to express themselves better in the written word then perhaps they ever could in person. Some were shy and introverted and utilized this medium to better express their feelings. But mostly I found the element of fantasy projection. It’s very easy to project any characteristics you would like onto this person on the other end of the computer screen. You can be whomever you want to be and more. There is almost immediate type the letter…you get your response..and you can do this any time of the day or night. Noone knows if you have bags under your eyes, if you have showered, how you are dressed and most importantly, your facial expressions. It is difficult to tell what someone is all about without visuals. Our five senses, our sight, sense of smell, our body language, a person’s voice are all quite significant in determining attraction and whether or not you even “click” with this person. It is so easy to be “attracted” to someone who writes eloquently and is attentive at the end of a tedious day. Having a cyber relationship is really no different from having a Long Distant Relationship in many instances. Most long distance relationships do not work over time unless one person moves to be with the other. However, and I would tell this to anyone, you really never know someone until you have spent a significant amount of time with them, on a day to day basis…IN PERSON.

Here is an article we located and passed on to assist others in helping them to better understand what they might be going through. Special thanks to my own “cyber” pal Jay Reiss for his wisdom and direction, one of my favorite teachers 🙂

The Dark Side of Cyber Romance
“Online romance and one of its side-effects–cyber-infidelity–is an often overlooked subject in today’s cyber-zines. The following article was inspired by a painful personal experience. Please feel free to publish this or e-mail me with comments or suggestions.” —
Thanks to the proliferation of online computer services and the popularization of online “dating” in our emerging virtual society of the ’90’s, love, hurt and sorrow are mutating into emotions never before experienced during the course of humanity.

Falling in love with the mysterious entity which produces the scrolling text on a computer monitor is not the exclusive property of “nerds” or lonely singles with hideous physical deformities. No, it is a phenomenon which is changing the nature of modern relationships within all walks of life. On the surface, online dating seems to be the perfect way of exploring someone from the inside out, without any physical sensory input acting as a bias which would cause a person to be overlooked in a setting such as a singles bar.

So, one can see into their potential lover’s mind first, and worry about their physical attributes later. However ideal that sounds during this epoch of disease, serial killing, and rampant abuse, it has a very dangerous side to it which is often overlooked. Our physical sensory impressions of people, biased as they may be, are the most accurate indicators we have available to feel, for lack of a better term, the true “aura” of a person. Inflections, gestures, facial expressions usually reveal more about someone than words alone.

Online dating, despite its comfortable mask of flirtatious innuendo, and cute smiley-faced emoticons, is bound by the constraints of machine-operated technology, which, by its very nature, is cold and disembodied. Scrolling text only unmasks a small part of an individual–in many cases, that person’s grammatical skills and hormone levels.

Where online dating can become truly insidious, however, is amongst well-meaning intellectual people who are looking to fill a void in their lives. A fast-spreading dangerous manifestation of this can be found in the “married but flirting” type of chat-rooms on the popular online services. Here, we see all manner of unhappy campers, some of them remorseful newlyweds, seeking fulfillment in seemingly innocent ways. However, as denizens of these room can well attest, flirting can turn into what feels like a love affair in a matter of keystrokes. What happens next is that the mind fills in the gaps left by the bits and bytes. The concept of love becomes love itself; fantasy becomes reality. Faster than one can say “cyber-infidelity”, a marriage can be left in tatters. The line between harmless flirting or even cybersex, and full-blown true love is easily crossed and often very blurry.

“Connecting” with someone online is something very special to the elite group of cyber-cruising intelligensia. The word “elite” is used here not in a snobbish way, but as a distinction between those seeking intelligent, stimulating conversation, and the mucky myriads of crude, disgusting, borderline psychotics. It is usually the rarity in which the intelligent person finds another of his ilk which makes the “connection” seem special-not the connection itself. If one opens up a conversation in a public chat room with a vaguely humorous, obscure non-sequitur, such as “My spleen itches” enough times, eventually they will filter out a person who is attracted to that kind of weirdness, and a “connection” will likely be felt. Because so few others respond to such a strange statement, surely, our cyber-lovers surmise, they were tailor-made for each other. As their online relationship progresses, they may find that they like the same books, music, movies, etc. This naturally strengthens the feeling of the connection, but compatibility is more than sharing aesthetic tastes and speaking the same language-it is a mutual foundation of beliefs and values which are not as readily discernible within the scope of a cyber-relationship. As the conversations wind further down the doom-laden flirtatious road fraught with misinterpreted “psychic” word interplay, the married seekers-of-greener-pastures believe they have, through divine intervention, found their true love. The fruit of temptation is most bountiful in cyberspace, where one easily rationalizes that since no physical contact is made, actual adultery is impossible. Even cybersex could be interpreted as the equivalent of a lonely 900-SEX-LINE phone call. But, inevitably, whether or not cybersex is present, the online affair assumes the properties of a “real-life” affair. Secret rendezvous times, lying and suspicious spouses are the usual by-products. One’s heart cannot remain in two places for long, and in the end, there is always someone hurt.

This is not intended as an indictment of online dating as a whole. Many otherwise lonely people have found love or at least soul-mates through this process. But it is important to remember at all times that there is a living, breathing person behind that scrolling text, and that words lead to feelings and feelings lead to actions, and those actions have consequences.

So, be careful of what you wish for-it may come true.

Linked to Cyber Culture Magazine.

2. Adultery


I looked into your eyes…
they told me plenty.
I already knew.

You never felt a thing,
so soon forgotten all that you do.
In more than words I …
I tried to tell you.
The more I tried I failed.

I would not let myself believe
that you might stray.
And I would stand by you
no matter what they’d say.
I would have thought I’d be with you
until my dying day…
until my dying day.

I used to think my life…
was often empty,
a lonely space to fill.
You hurt me more than
I ever would have imagined.
You made my world stand still.
And in that stillness,
there was a freedom,
I never felt before.

I would not let myself believe
that you might stray.
And I would stand by you
no matter what they’d say.
I would have thought I’d be with you
until my dying day…… until my dying day…


– By Sarah McLaughlin

…Article to Be Posted Soon!

3. Karmic & Soul Mate Relationships
Please visit for full info on this topic.

4. Bisexuality
Bisexuality – Two Spirited?

A number of non-native gay, Lesbian and Bisexual researchers and writers have suggested the Two-Spirited tradition as an historic ‘Gay’ role model since it often carries with it a sense of positive acceptance or even celebration within many Native communities. For example, an American gay male nurse reported being surprised and delighted to be visiting a Catholic priest on an Apache Indian reservation when a proud mother came in and told the priest, “My sixteen-year-old son is attracted to other men. We need to arrange for him to be initiated with the Medicine men”. The nurse was amazed to discover that there was a respected and sanctioned role for such a young person among the Apache, and to note that the mother’s response was somehow different from his own mother’s had been …. Historically, the status of the Two-Spirited person was valued in many Native communities, since an ordinary male sees the world through male eyes and an ordinary female sees the world through female eyes. However a Two-Spirited person (who possesses both a male and female spirit, regardless of the flesh that is worn) will always see further. For this reason, many Two-Spirited people have become Medicine people, leaders and intermediaries between men and women, and between tribal communities and non-Native people. Their greater flexibility provides possibilities to discover alternative ways of seeing oneself and the world… The role of the Two-Spirited person is critical in its relationship to those who are not Two-Spirited. The alternative behaviors and creative option of the Gay and Lesbian community informs the entire society of what possibilities exist and … offer guidelines and directions for exploring and living life to its fullest potential. A man or woman is more clearly defined by the existence of a Two-Spirited person, just as a straight person may more fully understand him or herself in coming to know and understand Gays and Lesbians.”

There are many commonly asked questions about bisexuality, the answers edited by Maggie Rohde: Do bisexuals have to have lovers of both sexes to be bisexual? Sometimes it is useful to distinguish bisexual identity and bisexual behavior. People who call themselves bisexual are saying that they are attracted to both men and women. They don’t necessarily have to act on that attraction. Isn’t everyone really bisexual? We all have an inner awareness and need to reconcile our Anima and Animus nature. Research carried out at the Harvard school of public health in 1994 found that 20.8% of the men and 17.8% of the women admitted to same sex behavior at some time in their lives. Attraction and behavior are the key words here. You may be attracted, you may not necessarily act on it. It’s important to bear in mind the time and place, these affect behavior and help us make better decisions in our lives concerning interaction with all the people who complete our lives.

Another point of view

To be in a good relationship you have to be honest with yourself about who you are and be honest with your partner. When a person explores bisexual avenues it’s because they are not comfortable within their own skin and they are looking for some one else to entertain or please or pleasure them..when you’re comfortable in your own skin, you like a monogomous relationship. Because you like to enhance each other and be one with another person and connect on an intimate level. People who need other things and multiple partners tend have a lot of insecurities and need others…many others to validate them.

Notable Psychologist Carl Jung described the Anima and Animus and the duality of our nature and how we seek to balance this and also project the unconscious image onto our partners. Perhaps if we instead looked within instead of without to reconcile these aspects of our inner and outer personality..without passing judgment, we will all live much happier in our physical bodies.

Angie Bowie’s Lecture on Bisexuality

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